Talk is cheap. It costs nothing to speak, but the impact of words is often lasting and far reaching. If your words don’t match your actions, then they could have even greater ripple effects. When we search for answers to organizational issues, explanations as to why things happen and what our fate will be, we hang onto words as if they are the last slice of bread we will ever eat.
You must have heard:
• “Our people come first!”
• “We are seeking to meet the challenges of the marketplace”
• “We are in a competitive landscape”
Blah, blah, blah. That’s what this kind of talk sounds like to everyone. These clichés often waste key opportunities for meaningful communication. If you don’t seize these pivotal moments to have tough conversations, be honest, transparent and stop spinning and positioning, then your words will indeed have impact – but probably not the impact you intended.
Clients tell me when they hear words that sound like double talk they know that the speaker is either hiding something or what they are saying is untrue. Even worse is when it’s apparent that someone wants to avoid having a tough conversation and all his or her actions and body language speak exactly the opposite of what he or she is attempting to convey.
Before you speak in front of thousands, you need to learn the skills for having tough conversations one on one. If you can’t communicate to one then there’s no way you’ll be able to reinforce the message delivered to thousands. Luckily, most of us don’t manage thousands, we manage a few folks or even none. So how do you have those tough conversations?
Before you start the process of having a difficult conversation, you must evaluate:
1. Is it worth saying anything at all?
2. Is there another way to resolve this?
3. Are there other people that need to be involved?
4. Am I trying to change someone else or do I really need to shift something in myself?
For tough conversations, I have developed a step-by-step formula called the Tough Conversations B.D.A. (Before, During and After) Process. Most of my formulas are pretty simple, however the execution of them can take a lot of time, dedication and diligence. This blog will cover the “Before” process. Subsequent blogs will review the “During” and “After” processes. Here we go…
Before:
Take time to prepare for the difficult conversation. It enables you to see both sides of the issue, take full responsibility and move you to feeling empowered and secure before you have the actual conversation. Avoid the impulse to blurt out words, which can end up hurting everyone.
1. Know whom you are speaking to before you do – analyze their behaviors and values and create a plan of how to speak from their position and not yours. Golden rule: speak from your shoes, results not so great; from the other person’s shoes, stellar results
2. Feelings aren’t facts, so separate them – most of us lead with our feelings instead of examining the actual course of events. Do not ignore how you feel, however be careful to look at what’s true and what’s not. For example, maybe George said something that hurt your feelings but had no impact on the company, the department or anyone else
3. Envision the end result – envision your relationship in the future, complete with understanding, listening and learning
4. Evaluate contribution – if you must engage in a tough conversation with someone then realize that you too have helped create this difficult situation. Looking at your part allows space for both of you to take responsibility. One way to do this is:
o Consider the situation and feel the other person’s pain completely
o Think of how it could have had a better and more productive outcome
o Make a commitment for how and what you will take responsibility for
5. Journal – a great way to understand how you are feeling about the conversation and to get real about what you need
6. Stop and ask yourself the following questions:
o Feeling - What am I Feeling?
o Truth - What is the Truth?
o Learning - What am I meant to Learn?
o Responsibility – What Responsibility can I take?
o Action – What proactive Action can I take?
Tough conversations are “tough” for one reason – they challenge people. Your mastery of them will only help you to be a better leader – one who is much more effective at getting things done and building relationships. After all, isn’t this what it’s all about? People-centric leadership!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Working Change Free
According to The Conference Board CEO Challenge Survey, one of the chief challenges of CEO's is "stimulating innovation/creativity/enabling entrepreneurship." It’s a funny thing about inspiring such attributes…unless you currently measure your people by innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship, your organization is going to need to undergo a major shift of thinking, processes and procedures in order to make this happen.
Let’s face it many organizations are exploring alternative strategies to enable them to operate more efficiently and to motivate their staff to become more creative, innovative and entrepreneurial. A strong leader knows you must change your game in order to get ahead. You can't live and work change free, even though most of us would like to be on the isle of denial for many years.
When times are as tough, getting things done becomes a top priority and asking people to think and be different is key. Here are clear pitfalls to avoid…
1) Waiting to change – If you are considering new paradigms to getting things done, you should implement those disruptive changes now. Organizations thrive through a process of pursuing and demanding change. The more uncomfortable the process the better. No great strides have ever been made by remaining idle. Create an environment where people of all ranks are given permission to engage in hearty and transparent dialogue; examine organizational and individual beliefs; inflame innovation; conceive a new future; negotiate and revise cultural norms; rekindle motivation; and ignite responsibility for team action. What you get: an organization focused on culture and people.
2) Blaming others – When times are tough, it’s essential to pioneer unconditional responsibility. Claim your role in every action with humility and ensure others do the same. Align your words with your actions and make it clear what accountability measures you will take if your words and actions run out of alignment. The strength and character of your leadership and your definition of teamwork is tested by the degree of responsibility you take. You are solely responsible at the end of the day for everything you do. Innovation comes out of responsibility. What you get: leaders.
3) No talking or talking without significance - Talk is cheap, meaningful words are priceless. Create venues for unconditional honesty; demand dialogue; use language that demonstrates transparency; ask provocative questions that probe and evoke curiosity; and share information with velocity. Settle for nothing less. What you get: merciless merging of strategic plan with market/economy, also competitive analysis, proficient people and dramatic results.
4) Flaky actions, plans and priorities - Connect all meaningful actions with strategic plans and larger organizational priorities. Make everything clear. Ensure that there’s a common approach and common language. The strength and clarity of the link will determine who, how and when it all gets done. Re-examine with vigor. What you get: harmonized people, priorities and results.
5) Keeping people in their seats – It does no one any good to let poor performers languish. Create “score cards” for each employee. Provide hands on mentoring, coaching and training within a timeframe. If your employees don’t improve quickly, either move them out of the company or out of the department. What you get: performers in each role and a rigorous examination of progress.
In such dynamic times, it’s easy to go with the flow, but in reality, careful examination and investment is critical to your progress. Request that employees show up and allow their voices to be heard powerfully. This places ownership on your people and enables them to shape their future.
Let’s face it many organizations are exploring alternative strategies to enable them to operate more efficiently and to motivate their staff to become more creative, innovative and entrepreneurial. A strong leader knows you must change your game in order to get ahead. You can't live and work change free, even though most of us would like to be on the isle of denial for many years.
When times are as tough, getting things done becomes a top priority and asking people to think and be different is key. Here are clear pitfalls to avoid…
1) Waiting to change – If you are considering new paradigms to getting things done, you should implement those disruptive changes now. Organizations thrive through a process of pursuing and demanding change. The more uncomfortable the process the better. No great strides have ever been made by remaining idle. Create an environment where people of all ranks are given permission to engage in hearty and transparent dialogue; examine organizational and individual beliefs; inflame innovation; conceive a new future; negotiate and revise cultural norms; rekindle motivation; and ignite responsibility for team action. What you get: an organization focused on culture and people.
2) Blaming others – When times are tough, it’s essential to pioneer unconditional responsibility. Claim your role in every action with humility and ensure others do the same. Align your words with your actions and make it clear what accountability measures you will take if your words and actions run out of alignment. The strength and character of your leadership and your definition of teamwork is tested by the degree of responsibility you take. You are solely responsible at the end of the day for everything you do. Innovation comes out of responsibility. What you get: leaders.
3) No talking or talking without significance - Talk is cheap, meaningful words are priceless. Create venues for unconditional honesty; demand dialogue; use language that demonstrates transparency; ask provocative questions that probe and evoke curiosity; and share information with velocity. Settle for nothing less. What you get: merciless merging of strategic plan with market/economy, also competitive analysis, proficient people and dramatic results.
4) Flaky actions, plans and priorities - Connect all meaningful actions with strategic plans and larger organizational priorities. Make everything clear. Ensure that there’s a common approach and common language. The strength and clarity of the link will determine who, how and when it all gets done. Re-examine with vigor. What you get: harmonized people, priorities and results.
5) Keeping people in their seats – It does no one any good to let poor performers languish. Create “score cards” for each employee. Provide hands on mentoring, coaching and training within a timeframe. If your employees don’t improve quickly, either move them out of the company or out of the department. What you get: performers in each role and a rigorous examination of progress.
In such dynamic times, it’s easy to go with the flow, but in reality, careful examination and investment is critical to your progress. Request that employees show up and allow their voices to be heard powerfully. This places ownership on your people and enables them to shape their future.
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